P5: Write an Original Article for TV Broadcast
Final Draft and Video.
P6: Use sub-editing skills to finalise an article for broadcast
First draft sub-edit
You can see below that I got one of my peers to sub edit my first draft and below on the first draft there are all the notes which I was given by my peer to keep in mind when re writing my second and final draft.
My peer pointed out that my article was a bit too complicated for 6-12 year olds especially with all the statistics and information in the 3rd paragraph. They suggested that I take out a lot of the statistics and my interpretations of them and just put them up simply and possibly as some graphs and charts in the video section of the article. They also suggested that instead of putting my interview as one long segment of the article I spread it across different topics and paragraphs where the interview is most relevant and useful. I was also advised to name my the sources in my article as well as using phrases and words that would be more suited for the audience which will be 6-12 years old.
Second draft.
As you can see above in the second draft of my article I edited all the changes that I was advised upon on the first draft. I simplified the third paragraph to give less statistics and I put them more simply. I also put the interview clips where relevant rather than all at once. Additionally I also mentioned the sources of my statistics and other statements I found in my research.
Second draft sub-edit
For my second sub edit I got another peer to look over my work. As you can see above I was first and foremost reminded that I should add a title to my news article. I was mainly advised to change my wording for certain phrases as well as to take out certain pieces of information or short sentences that were unnecessary, you can see them being crossed off or corrected in the picture above.
Third Draft
As you can see above for my third edit I quite literally did everything I was advised to do in the second sub-edit. This only included taking out some sentences and/or changing wording or phrases. The most major thing I did to this last edit was the addition of a title.
Final article.
As you can see for my final finished article I took out a lot of content due to the 1 minute 45 second time frame that my video had to strictly fit in. I made no other changes apart from the removal of sentences and paragraphs so no other content was added. I removed content from the 2nd and 3rd paragraph. I also completely removed the closing statement as it wasn't very informative and simply took up too much time on the video.